Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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