I molested 6 butterflies tonight
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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