just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
