Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
