Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
