even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
