I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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