Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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