"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
