I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize