Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize