It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
