either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
