theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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