SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
FUCK WHALES
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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