I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
