ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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