listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
