Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
