wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
