i think my tv is drunk
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
