is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
