Yo dont text me then not text me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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