if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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