i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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