I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's always time for handjobs
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
