You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You ruined the universe
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
