I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
