Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
