I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
