birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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