What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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