Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
