Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
