You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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