He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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