I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
