Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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