I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
