I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
