I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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