You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
