Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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