Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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