Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
