Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
