FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
