Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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