I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
