Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
