That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
