So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
