i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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