we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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