just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize