I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i out mim tonsoeep
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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