my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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