Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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