I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
