reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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