I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
