You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
