Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
