yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
